


roxas im tryna take a shid

by guys_r_kinda_hot_ngl



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Comedy, Complete, Gay, M/M, gay for the most part, shid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:34:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29577576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guys_r_kinda_hot_ngl/pseuds/guys_r_kinda_hot_ngl
Summary: riku is tryna take a shid but i mean roxas cant help himself
Relationships: Larxene/Marluxia (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

it was a quite lovely day. roxas was making a sandwich while ventus was watching "best of fortnite funnies 2018 compilation" and riku was taking a shid 3 rooms over.

"damb i wish riku could stop taking a shid this is a really funny fortnite funnies" said ventus while eating the cheese snacks.

"ventus youre so fucking dumb fortnite is dead and cant possibly have any funnies." roxas said taking a bite out of his peanut butter and warm mayonnaise sandwich.

this caused ventus to cry like a fucking baby so roxas had no choice but to pick him up by the throat and drop him out of his 13 story apartment.

"damb where did venus go? oh well." roxas continued to eat his pb&wm.

12 minutes passed and no sounds from riku, who had been trying to take a shid. roxas was getting incredibly horny at this point and was sick of waiting for his lover.

" **ayo riku u mind if i come in** "

" **roxas im tryna take a shid no you cant come in** "

but without hesitation, roxas blew the door down, revealing riku who was tryna take a shid.

" **ayo roxas the fukc u doin in here im tryna take a shid you dumbass** "

roxas blinked at riku then slowly started to grin.

**"i m h o r n y"** roxas whispered as he approached riku who was still tryna take a shid.

**"bitch you gonna get shid all over yo dick just wait for me to finish taking a shid"**

**"then wipe your FUCKING ASS so i can FUCK your ASS"**

**"damb thats a good idea"**

riku proceeded to wipe his FUCKING ASS and wash his hands cuz he dont want no toilet germs cuz that shit nasty.

the two soon got into bed together.

they blinked at each other, until the silence was broken by roxas.

"... _i f a r d e d_ "

"damb why did you do that now my dicks gonna smell like shit when we done"

"no its gonna smell like a fard"

"damb ur right"

they proceeded to give eachother anal for the rest of the night.

**fin.**


	2. roxas tries to take a shid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the roles are switched this time, sorta

it was a slightly less lovely day. venus had just gotten home from the hospital after roxas dropped him out the window and larxene had just gotten out of the shower.

"god damn fuxene could you take any longer? like i really gotta take a shid." said roxas who really had to take a shid.

"fuck off little bitch youre like 14 dont treat adults like that." said larxene who didnt even bother to put clothes on after showering 

"didnt you die like 5 times already? also i dont wanna see yo ugly naked ass." roxas paused and looked at ventus, "theres a baby in here, have some manners, jesus". he pulled out his pistol and aimed it at larxenes head.

to this, larxene just went into that weird dark portal they can make and was never heard from again. _some say she was found dead in a bush somewhere._

roxas realized he still had to take a shid, and in a panic he shot vented and ran to the bathroom to take a shid.

" _damb, im really shidding right now, wouldnt it be a shame if riku decided to knock on the door_ _? also rikus dick is humongous like it could probably produce a gallon of cum if he wanted to. damb wh-_ "

roxas's thinking was interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

" **uh yeah what is it** "

" **this is the police. we are here cuz riku said u aint had sex with him today"**

**"tell him im tryna take a shid"**

**"he says hes super horny also why did vagina die"**

**"oh yeah i shot him cuz i had to take a shid"**

**"oh damb. well riku is about to cry if you dont have sex with him"**

**"god dambit riku IM TRYNA TAKE A SHID"**

riku heard this yelling and ran straight into the bathroom, destroying what was left of the door.

**"god dambit roxas hurry up im super horny"**

**"bitch im taking a shid now get out"**

**"oh no you aint"**

riku then reached into roxas's FUCKING ASS and pulled all the shid out of him and threw it on the ground.

**"now lets go have sex"**

**"okay riku"**

**"by the way why did vortex die"**

**"i shot him when i had to shid"**

**"oh ok"**

riku then picked roxas up and threw him onto the bed and pulled out his dick and shoved it into roxas's FUCKING ASS.

fin.


	3. Chapter 3

"today makes 255."

"whats that about?"

"thats how many days ive been fucking constipated for." larxene shouted at marluxia as she then ran into the bathroom.

no amount of laxatives were able to help her take a shid, but she tried anyway. she threw off her clothes and stepped into the shower.

"man fuck roxas and riku, why are they able to take a shid but not me??"

larxene then squatted down to take a shid and started pushing. 

"god fucking dammit why cant i shid" she said as she started eating loads of laxatives like they were candy.

after nearly an hour of not being able to take a shid, she turned off the water and left the bathroom.

as she was walking down the hallway to the living room, she saw riku and venus.

"fr fuckxene, you gotta start cutting the time on your showers down. thats like 255 days in a row you held up the bathroom and you dont even clean your nasty af body." riku complained to larxene, shielding his eyes from her naked body.

"oh grow up its not that long youre just impatient."

"well vegan over here shidded on the floor because of you" shouted zexion while holding a butter knife.

upon hearing that somebody shidded, she opened up a portal to her room and left the three in the living room.

she laid down on her bed and stared up at the ceiling, but was interrupted by marluxia slamming his fist down onto his desk.

"what the fuck marluxia you made me piss myself"

"sorry, fortnite is just so fucking unfair like i had this dude boxed like a fish and he just shot me thru the fucking wall like what the fuck"

larxene rolled her eyes and moved off the piss stain on marluxia's side of the bed.

"marloosha, how do i take a shid like ive been trying for almost a year and i just cant shid"

"try shidding"

suddenly, the past 255 days of shid came flooding out of her FUCKING ASS onto her and marluxia's bed.

"woa larxene what the fuck why did you do that i have to sleep there"

marluxia then opened a dark portal and threw larxene thru it, as well as a knife.

larxene awoke in a bush with a knife in her toe, leading her to bleed to death.

fin.


	4. venus why the fuck would you do that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh

* * *

today was an awful day. it was ventus's 4th birthday.

he was quite excited about this, in fact so much that he woke the whole fucking apartment by screeching in a demonic tone.

however instead of celebrating, riku, zexion and venus himself were sitting in the living room, in complete silence.

"god fuck damb how dumb can you be veggie like literally how and why would you do this?" shouted riku while trying to help zexion to the gucci smart couch.

"i dunno i just kinda felt like it, thought it wouldnt be that bad." replied vegan who was half paying attention to his fortnite funnies compilation from 2019.

"well this is pretty fucking bad not gonna lie, you stabbed a butter knife into my back and paralyzed me from the knees down." replied zexion who clearly wanted to murder the kid. "by the way fortnite is a dead game and cant possibly have any funnies."

upon hearing this, vodka started to cry and threw his ipad out the window.

"god fuck damb shidass fucking cocksucking cock why did you do that sexion now we gotta buy him a new eye pad or some shid." riku calmly shouted as he finally got the knife out of zexions back and handed it to him.

they both turned to see value shidding all over the floor, continuing to watch fortnite funnies from 2004 on his ipad.

"well why the fuck did you do that like we have a bathroom" asked sexion

"because larxenes a dumbass and wont get outta the bathroom and i really had to take a shid."

they all nodded in agreeance. and just as they did, they saw larxene enter the room.

"fr fuckxene, you gotta start cutting the time on your showers down. thats like 255 days in a row you held up the bathroom and you dont even clean your nasty af body." riku complained to larxene, shielding his eyes from her naked body.

"oh grow up its not that long youre just impatient."

"well vegan over here shidded on the floor because of you" shouted zexion while holding the butter knife that was once in his back.

apparently, she was not amused by this as she simply left the room and was never seen after that.

fin.


	5. luxord is a big stinky doodoo fard!!😡😡😡

today was... today, what did you expect?

roxas had just gotten out of bed and was ready to go on his mission, when suddenly...

"damb i really gotta take a shid right now wouldnt it be a shame if somebody were taking a shid right now?" roxas spoke to himself as he opened up his nindendo ds and got ready to play kingdom hearts 358/2 days on the toilet so he could beat that damn heartless in agrabbah.

he began to walk to the bathroom when he was met with a door in his face. he bounced back as his nintendo ds fell to the ground and shattered.

"bROOOOOOO WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ON DAY (i forget which day) WHOS IN THE FUCKIG BATHROOM I NEEDA TAKE A SHID" roxas shouted with tears in his eyes.

"oh sorry am i being an inconvenience to you? well too FUCKING BAD IM PLAYING SOLITAIRE." shouted a familiar voice.

"oh my damb goshing fuckass luxord is that you cuz if it is i swear imma beat yo ass when you get outta there and you OWE ME A NEW FUCKING NINTENDO DS."

roxas clenched his asscheeks as he had to take a shid desperately, and with no distractions he had to wait the whole time in agony.

10 minutes passed, nothing.

30 minutes passed, nothing.

roxas became desperate to take a shid so he decided to take out his iphone 11 pro max and got onto solitaire online.

he queued up for a game, and to his surprise he was matched with luxord himself.

"ayo luxord lets up the stakes a bit. if i win, you get the hell outta there and let me take a shid. if you win, you get to make me clean marluxia and larxene's bed."

luxord, knowing he would win, told roxas "nahhh those stakes are too low. if you win, i gotta eat larxenes shid. if i win, you gotta eat xion's shid." 

"ew i dont wanna eat shid thats nasty." replied roxas. "cmon man i just gotta take a shid."

"take my offer or im staying here until you shid yourself, and wouldnt that just suck right before a mission?"

roxas sighed, knowing that he had to win this game.

"alright you son of a bitch, im in."

"then let the games begin!"

the two were silent as the cards were shuffled. roxas was given the first move. he began sweating as he shakily asked...

"g-got any sevens?" 

to this, luxord laughed as he shouted

"go FISH BITCH"

to this, roxas started to panic, but knowing that the game had just started, knew he still had a chance.

the deck put down a 3... then a 6... they both waited in anticipation.. then suddenly a jack appeared! roxas slapped it and felt good, only to realized he had missed by just a quarter of a second.

"looks like im gonna win this one, roxas!"

he started to break down, but not all hope was lost. luxord had played a king, but roxas knowing he had an ace in his deck...

"i call upon thee - BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON!"

luxord was in shock, but he knew that his mega blastoise was effective.

luxord shouted, "BAKUGON, BRAWL!"

roxas quickly replied with a tear filled "BEYBLADE... **LET IT _RIIIIIIIP!!!_** "

luxord was taken back by this, but then he remembered... "roxas dont forget... i may have a few..." he put his hand into his sleeve " _ **TWIX UP MY SLEEVE!"**_

roxas was in disbelief and had accepted defeat.

"victory is mine, sor- err roxas."

fin.

(to be continued???)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck i didnt upload this morning


	6. luxord is a big stinky doodoo fard part 2

today was the same day as yesterday.

roxas had just lost a game of solitaire to luxord, and his punishment was he had to eat xions shid.

"luxord youre not serious about this right like i dont wanna do this" said roxas in a frightened voice.

"a deals a deal, dumbass." replied luxord who was proud of his skill.

roxas rolled his eyes and went to talk to xion who was making a tiktok video.

"hey uh xion you aint gonna like this any more than i do but..."

he explained the situation to xion, who had a smug look on her face.

"you cant be serious, that sound crazy"

"does it really?" asked luxord, walking into the room with full intentions of making roxas hold up his end of the deal.

"luxord youre a dick, you know that right?" shouted roxas, and xion agreed.

after much debate and stalling, luxord decided hes had enough.

"alright quit stalling, lets get this show on the road."

in that moment, xion had an idea. what if she streamed the whole thing live on her tiktok account, then shed really be famous! 

her formerly apologetic and sad attitude immediately turned cheerful and excited as she started streaming.

"xion, the fuck are you doing?"

"dont worry roxy-woxy, itll be done before you know it!" xion winked at roxas as he began to feel betrayed. 

xion began shidding on her new carpet for roxas to consume.

xigbar noticed this and without making himself noticed, pressed a few buttons on his phone

"eat up roxas, wouldnt wanna go on a mission on an empty stomach." teased luxord.

after being disgusted at the sheer amount of shid, he slowly lowered his face to the shid.

he was about to take a bite when suddenly the entire like fucking planet and the surrounding galaxies got like bombed by xigbar or some shit leaving absolutely nothing.

fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this is the last one cuz i dont feel like doing these anymore.


End file.
